


Shared History

by MermaidMarie



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: F/F, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-23 12:21:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20008207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MermaidMarie/pseuds/MermaidMarie
Summary: Prompt on Tumblr: things you said when you were drunk.In which Kady and Julia have a conversation.





	Shared History

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to thebeautifulspinster on Tumblr for this prompt!

_We were friends. And then we weren’t._

That’s what she’d said, right?

Julia was trying not to get distracted by it all. They had _enough_ to deal with, with the Monster, with Quentin, with Penny 23. It was already a lot. Magic, goddess bullshit, bleeding stones, saving Eliot, whatever. One thing after another, endlessly.

There was _enough_ going on already.

But.

_Kady._

Okay, maybe it was a little stupid, for Julia to feel so—

How _did_ she feel?

Lost, maybe. A little like she was untethered. Like those dreams where you can’t remember how you got somewhere.

She remembered how it felt, to rely on Kady. How it felt to know her. How it felt to be around her.

And now, it just felt like something crucial was missing from her world.

They hadn’t really known each other that long. But still—Kady had been her missing chip when she needed it. She’d been _there,_ through some of the absolute worst moments of Julia’s life. She wouldn’t have survived it all without Kady. They’d _needed_ each other.

And Kady—well, okay, Julia had saved _Kady’s_ life too. It didn’t matter if Kady didn’t want to admit how intertwined their lives had become.

Kady couldn’t tell her that they didn’t really matter to each other. It wasn’t _true._

But it kind of fucking stung, actually.

Julia _missed_ Kady. When she’d felt like she had nothing, Kady was there. Kady helped her in so many ways. In ways that she’d never be able to really thank her for.

And now?

What were they _now?_

To Kady, maybe they were nothing.

_I want my life to feel like it’s about me._

Julia couldn’t fault her for that. She really, really couldn’t. She related—she wanted her life to feel like it was about her, too. Sometimes it felt too much like she was there to play a role she didn’t understand—like all of that goddess bullshit.

It felt like it was about someone else. Like she’d been given a storyline she’d never asked for. Like the world had expectations for her that had been meant for someone else.

So she knew how Kady felt—kind of. She understood.

But…

Was she really one of the things keeping Kady from having ownership over her own life?

The idea hurt. She’d never want to be the one to hold Kady back.

So maybe it was better. If they pulled away from each other.

Maybe Kady would be happier.

Julia came back to the apartment, from another fruitless venture into the world of research. She stopped in her tracks. Despite the place being _Kady’s_ apartment, Kady wasn’t actually there all that often. Or maybe she was, and Julia just didn’t see her.

But it felt like it had been a really long time since they were alone together.

Julia knew it had been just a few days earlier that Kady had said they weren’t—well. That she didn’t know what they were to each other anymore.

Kady was slouched on the couch, holding a beer. With a few empty bottles on the table in front of her.

Julia walked over, keeping her steps light.

“Hey,” she said, trying to not make the word sound heavy. She didn’t think it worked.

“Jules,” Kady greeted, colorlessly. “Come to join the fucking party?”

“Looks like a blast.”

Kady snorted. “Oh, it is. Cheap beer all around.”

Julia hesitated. “ _Can_ I join?” she asked tentatively. “Y’know. Long day at someone else’s office.”

“Why not,” Kady said, taking a swig of her beer.

Julia grabbed a beer for herself from the fridge before sitting down. Trying not to sit too close. Was that enough? She didn’t know how to act anymore.

God, being around Kady used to be the easiest thing in the world, and now Julia didn’t even know how close she was allowed to be on the couch.

“So,” Julia started slowly, not sure where she was going to go from there.

“There’s just so much fucking bullshit going on right now, alright?” Kady said, groaning a little.

“Yeah,” Julia agreed.

“Like, alright, my life made _sense_ as Sam Cunningham, okay? I know it wasn’t like, fucking _real_ or whatever, but I _meant_ something when I was her.”

Julia felt that in her chest. “You mean something here, too.”

Kady shot her a look. “Jules, just stop, okay?”

“What?”

There was clearly something going on with Kady, something inaccessible. Kady could be so opaque when she wanted to be. Julia wished she could read her better.

She was a complicated person. Julia just wished they were close again, but she didn’t know how to bridge the divide.

“Don’t, like. Tell me I _mean_ something, okay? I get it, I’m not the main character. Whatever.”

Julia frowned. “That’s not really how it works,” she replied.

Kady just shook her head.

“No, Kady, you _do_ mean something. You’re more than Sam. You’re so much more.” Julia turned towards her fully, shifting just a little closer. “Her life only made sense because it was simple. Like. The messy, complicated parts were pulled out. But those things—everything that’s messy or chaotic, that’s _important_ too.”

Kady stared at her for a few long moments.

“Jules, I—”

She cut off abruptly, breaking eye contact and going back to her beer.

Julia waited for a few moments, but she didn’t keep going.

“Kady?” she said softly. Trying, at least, to reach out in whatever way she could.

It was _Kady,_ after all.

“It sucks to see you with 23, you know that?”

Julia was a little taken aback—she kind of thought… Well, that some of _that_ mess was in the past. She kind of thought they’d moved past it enough.

Julia cleared her throat, trying to figure out what to say. “Yeah, I’m sorry. I know that… I know that you loved Penny 40. I’m sorry that—”

“That’s not the only reason,” Kady said quietly.

“What?”

“That’s _not_ the only reason it sucks.” Kady turned to her, brow furrowed like she was trying to figure out what to say. “That’s not the only reason it hurts.”

“I’m not sure I understand,” Julia said slowly.

Kady rolled her eyes. “No, I guess you wouldn’t.”

“You could try explaining it.”

Kady shook her head and let out an almost sad laugh. “What’s the point? You either get it or you don’t.”

There was something on the tip of Julia’s tongue, something that had stayed unspoken between them this whole time. Something that lingered just enough to feel like a part of Julia’s existence. She tried to open her mouth, she tried to…

“It’s okay. Whatever. You don’t have to feel it, too.”

Julia swallowed, looking down.

“I do, though.”


End file.
